Featured on this episode:

• Grab Your Free Script Guide here
• Access the full video interview with Elana Steele of Steele Appliance here

What you will learn from this episode:

• The difference between a red flag and a pink flag in client relationships
• How to spot difficult client patterns before you commit
• What to do if you see the red flags and take the job anyway

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There are projects that stretch you creatively. There are projects that grow your business. And then there are projects that quietly cost you more than you realize while you’re in them.

This is about one of those.

For nearly ten years, I worked with a client who, if I’m being honest, I knew was difficult from the very beginning. Not unreasonable in a glaring way. Not someone who screamed or threw things. She was particular. High maintenance. Intense. And in the early years, I convinced myself that I could manage it.

We started with decorating. We would work intensely for months, and then I wouldn’t hear from her for almost a year. Throughout that time, she would tell me they were looking for their “dream home.” The one we would fully renovate together. The big project.

Looking back, that may have been the carrot that kept me moving through the more frenetic moments. I believed that if I stayed steady, if I stayed patient, it would all culminate into something extraordinary.

Eventually, they found the house. It was beautiful and complicated and ver y old. It needed modernization and a large addition. It was exactly the kind of project designers dream about.

And I told myself what so many of us tell ourselves: I know her. I understand her quirks. I can handle this.

It was not fine.

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When It Stops Being “Manageable”

The project lasted two years. It was ambitious and layered and required a tremendous amount of coordination. Creatively, it pushed me. Professionally, it exposed me to vendors and resources that were previously out of reach. Some of the work we did in that house is among the finest I’ve ever produced.

But somewhere along the way, the dynamic shifted.

By the end, I could not see her name pop up on my phone without my heart stopping. A text would make me brace. An email was worse. A phone call? I would have rather walked barefoot across hot gravel.

That’s not hyperbole. That was a physical reaction.

And the truth is, I didn’t fully register what it was doing to me while I was in it. I was just managing. Pushing through. Doing my job. Telling myself this is what professionalism looks like.

It wasn’t until the project ended and some time had passed that I felt this enormous wave of relief. I could breathe in a way I hadn’t in years. That was when I realized just how much it had actually cost me.

Not just time. Not just energy.

Emotionally.

And financially.

Because for nearly ten years, I never raised my hourly rate with her. I raised it with other clients. But I was anxious about creating friction. I was nervous about rocking the boat. So I left it alone.

She received the deal of a lifetime. And I absorbed the difference.

And then, after all of it, she told me I couldn’t photograph the house.

The contract was old. Photography rights weren’t written in because I had never needed to include them before. Every other client had been happy to allow it. She said her husband wasn’t comfortable with photography. I don’t believe that. He was one of the most reasonable people I’ve ever worked with.

But it didn’t matter what I believed. There was nothing I could do.

Ten years. Two years of construction. Some of my best work.

No portfolio.

That part still stings.

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The Red Flags Were Always There

Here’s the most important part of this story: none of it was a surprise. I knew.

I knew she was demanding. I knew she could be emotionally volatile. I knew she created intensity around relatively small things. And I overrode that knowledge because I believed I was the exception. I believed I had learned how to manage her. I believed the project would justify the effort.

Sometimes, that calculation works.

Sometimes it doesn’t.

That’s why I want to talk about red flags and something I call pink flags, because not everything that gives you pause is a deal breaker.

A red flag, in my experience, is something that almost always predicts a problem. It’s the moment you can point to later and say, that was it. That was the sign.

Pink flags are different. They require more information. They may be nothing. Or they may develop into something that needs attention.

The difference is this: pink flags deserve questions. Red flags deserve serious pause.

And then there’s the third category, the one I lived in.

The flag you see clearly. Acknowledge privately. And override anyway.

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Client Red Flag: “Our Last Designer Didn’t Work Out”

This one can be subtle.

Plenty of wonderful clients have worked with designers before. People move. Circumstances change. That alone isn’t the issue.

The issue is how they talk about it.

If the entire story centers on what the previous designer did wrong, disorganized, unresponsive, didn’t understand their vision, and there is no acknowledgment of how they may have contributed to the breakdown, that’s the flag.

In my experience, when a professional relationship falls apart, there are two sides.

When a client has zero capacity for self-reflection, that’s information. Because one day, that same narrative may be told about you.

Now, that doesn’t mean you immediately walk away. It means you ask questions. “What would you have wanted to go differently?” “What did you learn about what you need in a designer?”

You’re listening for awareness. Not perfection. Just awareness.

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When Couples Aren’t Aligned

Another pattern I see frequently is misalignment between decision-makers.

Sometimes it shows up as one partner being deeply engaged and the other disengaged or dismissive. That can feel harmless at first. You do the work with the engaged party. Everything moves forward.

Until the disengaged party suddenly asserts veto power late in the process.

That isn’t about gender or personality. It’s about decision authority. Whoever has veto power needs to be involved early.

The other version is financial misalignment. Pinterest boards full of custom stone and bespoke cabinetry paired with a budget that clearly doesn’t support it.

When you gently point out the gap and the response is, “I want that look within my budget,” that’s where you need to pay attention.

Aspiration is not the problem. Resistance to reality is.

If you clearly explain the numbers and the client continues to operate as if the math will magically resolve itself, that is no longer a pink flag.

A client who cannot hear you during the proposal stage will not suddenly become more receptive during construction.

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The Quiet Red Flag: No Questions

This one surprises designers.

A client reviews your proposal, asks nothing, and signs immediately. It feels easy. Refreshing.

But sometimes it means they haven’t absorbed what they’re agreeing to.

Engaged clients ask questions. They clarify assumptions. They process out loud.

A client who doesn’t may simply be decisive. Or they may not be paying attention.

And when the project becomes real, when change orders appear, and timelines stretch, that lack of engagement can turn into surprise. And surprise clients become difficult clients very quickly.

This is why I insist on reviewing proposals live, whether in person or on Zoom. I watch their body language. I pause intentionally. I invite questions.

Clarity now prevents conflict later.

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Project Red Flags

Not all red flags are about people. Sometimes they’re about the project itself.

If the vision and the budget are fundamentally incompatible, no amount of goodwill fixes that. You either adjust the vision, adjust the budget, or adjust the scope.

If the client refuses all three and continues to hope for a workaround, you will be the one caught in the middle when the numbers refuse to cooperate.

Midstream rescue projects are another one. When demo has already happened, and decisions have been made, you are inheriting commitments you didn’t structure.

That doesn’t mean you automatically say no. It means you assess carefully. You understand what can still be changed. You meet the contractor. And you price the complexity accordingly.

Because stepping into a moving train is harder than building the track from scratch.

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Contractor Red Flags

And then there are contractor red flags.

A contractor who dismisses your role in small ways will likely dismiss it in larger ones later. If they answer design questions directly with your client and bypass you, that erodes your authority over time.

Communication patterns matter too. Slow communication during construction is not a personality quirk. It’s a project risk.

If they are slow to respond during the bid process, when they are still trying to win the work, that pattern will not improve once they have the contract.

Pay attention early.

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If You Override the Flag

Here’s the part that feels most honest.

You will sometimes see the red flag clearly and take the job anyway.

I did.

When you do, you must protect yourself.

Price for the complexity. Document everything. Confirm decisions in writing. And know your exit threshold before you begin.

Not a vague “I’ll know when it’s too much.”

A defined limit.

And please — notice the emotional cost.

That cost is real. It doesn’t show up on an invoice. But it affects your creativity, your relationships, and your capacity to serve your other clients well.

Your peace of mind is not secondary.

It is part of your business model.

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Red flags are information. That’s all they are.

They are not verdicts. They are not guarantees. They are information before a decision is made.

Sometimes that information says walk away. Sometimes it says ask more questions. Sometimes it says proceed, but with protection.

I knew the signs. I took the job anyway. Now I make that decision differently. And I hope you do too.

Like this Episode?

Be sure to check out Episode #211: Spot the Pink Flags Before They Turn Red: Planning Your 2025 Projects

Be sure to check out Episode #159: Handling Toxic Clients: Recognizing Red Flags and Finding Solutions

Be sure to check out Episode #93: Not All Jobs Are a Good Fit – How to Filter Out the Best Ones for You